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  • Ruth Priscilla

WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE?

I have a brain that likes to purposely think about things in very very very random ways.  This is not just thinking outside the box, it can at times seem so far off topic that you'd think I wasn't even in the same room as the conversation going on.  My brain will automatically fly to the furthest link in 6 degrees of separation and create the most tenuous links between each and every degree of separation.   Fortunately for everyone else, most of this goes on inside my head and doesn't get expressed until I feel an idea touch down. When I was younger (30 years old !)  I was branded as being rebellious, purposely belligerent, unfocussed and weird... So more often than not I chose to keep my ideas and thoughts to myself, and did my best to make it appear like I could fit in and get on with things like everyone else could.  It takes a LOT of energy for anyone to constantly silence and tame the way they are, and take on the expected persona of the groups they live, work, or socialise with.  This is equally true for people who are introverted, or perhaps why some people think they are introverted.


I can't believe how much of my creative energy I wasted in my 30's by trying to do life the way that everyone around me was saying was normal.  But the need to provide and survive and to become what I thought I was meant to become won out time and time again.


This played out in

how I chose to work,

what I accepted as normal in the places I worked in,

who I allowed to have influence and authority over my life,

the beliefs I held about my body

the things I taught and shared with others about health and wellness

the words I chose not to say

the decisions I shied away from due to doubt and fear

where I chose to live

who I allowed to be in my life.


Instead of bemoaning my ‘wasted years’ and being annoyed with myself and life and others for the years spent hiding and trying to change myself – I honour the learning, the experience and the depth of knowing that it has given me.


I now know what I don’t want to do and who I don’t want to be.

I now have such a strong baseline in place for what is NOT me, that any time I feel myself reliving, or slipping into a pattern that reminds me of the past ‘unlived’ years I can stop myself and check in with

what I am choosing,

who I am being and

what I am creating in that moment.


But that awareness was hard won in the hours, days, months and years of

uncertainty,

misalignment,

fear,

panic,

depression

hopelessness

anger

grief

confusion


And no amount of self-help books, think myself right courses, or spiritual clearing and alignment methods could give me what only I could give myself.


MY OWN AUTHORITY OVER ME.


For sure all the books, courses and methods provided knowledge, distraction, connections and processes that I now draw on when I choose to, BUT they were not my salvation.


They did not hold the answer which their marketing campaigns promised they would.  Because none of them told me the truth – that I had the answer, the authority, the knowing within me already.


Without that baseline knowing of myself and being intimately acquainted with the  power of ME, their methods were never going to give me the results they promised.

(without making me a cookie cutter clone of the creator).

And that was the angst of my struggle for years.


I can’t tell you how to live your life, or who to be or what to do.  Well, I could tell you but it would be a futile manipulative contest to engage with, which in the long term would only serve to inform you of what doesn’t work for you.


All I can ever do is share my story, knowing that the universal connection of us all will find some resonance within you at the time you are needing to hear and feel it.


I can also, most definitely hold the space you need to discover your own authority in your life and courageously start to take action on what you discover in that place.


That in my weird (not humble) opinion is the role of a coach.


You have the answers already,

Allow me – or a coach you resonate with – to take you to the places within you where you will find those answers.






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©2020 Ruth Priscilla, Body Magic